Self evaluation.

Overall I feel as though I have learnt a lot about myself through developing Last Words. I feel as though I can get lost in concepts and meanings that I do not know here to start of whichI have found difficult within this project I do not know when to stop researching or searching for answers to questions that fill my mind. My curiosity with dark and personal subjects has allowed me to create my own narrative rich images in my own personal style, of which I would say is raw and thought compelling. Although I enjoy writing I have enjoyed being in control of every element, the creative freedom has made me realise that I would like to keep developing my creative skills, in visual story telling.

I feel as though the project has grown a substantial amount from what I originally envisioned, I envisioned perfect glamorous models surrounded by beautiful objects with a hint of horror photography. I feel as though I have found myself as a creative and understand that light topics, and pretty pictures are not my personal style, they do not make me want question the visual further.

I am pleased with the website design as I feel it sets the eerie atmosphere and from feedback entices the people who have viewed it to want to explore further- of which is a positive point as it means that my target audience are interested in the project. It is simple to use, but there are further improvements that if I had used a better programme and had more time then I would of made the house more interactive, in a sense that it would feel as hough the spectator is virtually walking into the room.

overall I feel that this project has tested me as a creative, to question every aspect of my project to develop further knowledge and to improve independent learning. It has taught me to take responsibility  of a project and that communication with others is key. As well as being observant with my designs and thoughts.

Informal statment for those who misinterpret Last Words.

As I am aware that the subject matter of Last Words can be perceived as offensive I have decided to provide an informal statement for those who have a misunderstanding of the project.

I am aware that the material may look offensive however the images are of fictional suicides and therefore every element of this image has not been based on anyone's death.

The project has been created with the intent to raise awareness of suicide regardless of character and appearance, research shows that many people who appear happy, and look healthy commit suicide. Suicidal victims and people whom have relationships with those who have lost someone have all said they wish that they just spoke to home as it could of prevented their loss. Art is a form of talking and communicating ideas.

I have taken a lot of time to research the matter and have myself been in a similar situation and have taken inspiration from my mind set to transform it into a creative project, it was my way of speaking about the subject matter.

Website design.

For my homepage I envision an abandoned house as I feel this adds character to the design and creates an eerie mood. Within my narratives there is a death in a different room of the house therefore it makes sense to have an image of a house or a hallway where the viewer can interact with the site and click on which narrative they want to view by clicking on a door or window that will take them to the scene of the suicide. The images below create the exact mood that I am looking for, I feel as though a house is more suitable for my design particularly as it has five rooms to choose from of which is how many narratives I have chosen to re-create, however I feel it would be a good idea to have images of the rooms possibly in the background. The images will be on a slideshow with a suicide short story or note above them

Idea One.

I have decided to choose image 6 as I feel it's more fitting considering there's five narratives, I like the style of the house and whole setting it looks as though the spectator is peeking through the branches, the titles allow the user to click on whichever narrative they want to pick, once they have clicked the idea is that the link will take them to the related image series.

Idea Two.

I like the idea of being able to see into the house simply to when you open a dolls house, as if the front was to be removed.

I have chosen my second idea as I feel as though it makes my project more personal to the viewer, it's more intriguing and it will entice the spectator in to want to explore the story behind each room. I will create the house in photoshop and will make the rooms interactive.

suicide notes

 In a tutorial with Elizabeth I mentioned how I was struggling with writing my text to accompany the images, Elizabeth suggested reading lyrics of depressive artists as a starting point, I began to look at lana Del Rey to begin with however i felt as though poetic depressive writing really was not my style after showing the notes to a few people on my course which of course would be my target audience, they agreed with me. As I began to develop my research per character I began to read authentic suicide notes some of those who were famous and some from unknown people, it was interesting to see that not all of the notes were depressive and it really showed character of which is what I liked about them. I decided to change my idea from writing short stories to suicide notes, reflecting upon this idea it fits in better with keeping the project to have a realism factor to it. The most intriguing notes have been reflected upon in blog posts regarding that suicide.

The wellcome trust.

The Wellcome trust is a charity dedicated to helping those with mental illnesses, the charity devising a body of ongoing research into subject matters such as depression and suicide. I feel as though it is important to include a link to this website on my website to ensure that if someone would like more information on the subject or would like to support the cause I can point them in the right direction.













 As I had no received a reply and I was extremely busy shooting regrettably I did not follow up the e-mail. However as The Wellcome trust also have a division of exhibitions- I feel it would be interesting if I was to develop my project further to be in contact to pitch my idea to them, with their help this project could develop on a much wider scale to help raise awareness through artistic visuals.

Bedroom.

• There were 3,346 drug poisoning deaths registered in England and Wales in 2014, the highest since comparable records began in 1993
• Of these, 2,248 (or 67%) were drug misuse deaths involving illegal drugs

(http://www.overdoseday.com/resources/facts-stats/)


The bedroom series of images is based on a suicide by a drug overdose, the character is a 'party girl' this is conveyed through all elements of makeup, hair, styling and the misc en scene. The character will look as though they have just come back from a night out and are at an after party. The concept behind this photoshoot is to communicate that even glamorous people who appear to be having an incredible time partying have their dark moments and it can sometimes be a caution or a cry for help that they are having a bad time, although it may seem that partying and taking drugs is a form of escapism when all the people leave the party and the serotonin levels fade, the person is left in darkness.

A drug overdose is extremely relevant in the uk as it is extremely accessible making it easier for some to turn to the substances rather than to seek help. 

Drug Addicts in the media & in fashion. Industry. Reflection on research.

https://youtu.be/Gg3G6smr7M0

https://youtu.be/qLgrTk7Gr38

Within the media drug addicts are often portrayed as being attractive characters, they are also often represented as being seen as 'cool' & 'edgy' yet in reality this is not a real representation yes a lot of people that take drugs are attractive and may seem as though they lead fairly normal lives, however in reality being a drug addict is a position that no one would want to be in. The use of legal and illegal highs is usually to mask issues within the self, of what I am trying to portray within my character . I feel as though my piece is a more modern interpretation and perhaps more realistic, from looking at pieces that have used drug addiction in a narrative I can see how the actor moves, and facial expression of which I can imitate within my images, it is important for me to do this as I am the model I will be directing myself so need to be full of pose ideas.

(https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/513551163739732007/)

Within fashion in the 90's Heroin chic was a huge trend, the trend portrayed a glamourised look of a drug addict. The trend came about due to the influx of Heroin in the uk as the price decreased making the drug more accessible than ever. The makeup look has derived from the heroin chic of the 90's the heroin and other high class drugs can be symbolic for being 'obsessed', the look demonstrates the power that a substance can have over a person ultimately making the character powerless.

An exploration of sexual desire with drugs. 

An idea I want to explore is, do some have a sexual relationship with drugs? When researching the effects of drugs I came across interesting forums of which where those who have taken heroin have described the sensation as a lucid, beyond euphoric experience "no one should feel that good", "Take the best orgasm you’ve ever had multiply it by a billion "(http://highexistence.com/topic/heroin-effect-feel-like-total-body-orgasm/) it is fascinating to compare the feeling of a high to sex, simply sex posses the power to cause and addiction, power and also has the authority to be powerless and a victim to the feeling.Not only when reading about the effects of the substances but when analysing images the users look as though something euphoric has entered the body and is possessing them. I need to display this within my images by posing and facial expression.

Setting, styling and inspiration. Reflection on research.

(https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/419890365239122505/)

(https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/419890365239122656/)

In the proposal I was going to shoot this scene in a nightclub, however as I have designed my narrative around a house, I decided that a bedroom would be the most likely place that someone would overdose, why? as it is a personal comforting space where we often explore personal experiences, in the sense of sexuality.

As the images above communicate I have been inspired by many images regarding this subject, I feel as though there is a lot more freedom in terms of posing, and in creating the mise en scene. Francessca Woodman has been a huge inspiration by her use of props as well as the subjects explored, Woodmans pieces with mirror in are so effective as it could be communicating blending into the background of society or even loosing a part of yourself, or not knowing who you are as a person. I  have chosen to use a mirror in  this image series as it helps to show an image from more than one angle, using mirrors helps to explore identity, they are symbolic for how we see ourselves and how others see us.The use of mirrors in these visuals helped to explore themes of identity manipulation as in the mirrors you can see the shape of the body but cannot actually see the substances communication to the viewer that character cannot see that they are doing anything wrong whereas from an outsiders point of view.

Styling.

The character is dressed in a provocative way, that suggests she has low self-worth and perhaps no respect for her self as she barley feels like a person, she feels numb so why would it matter what others think of her? The underwear represents a sense of vulnerability she has taken her clothes off at the party as she is hot, it could also be connected to sexual desire, she desires the substances, and her desire is to die. The images will have a sensual feel to them representing her intimate relationship with the substances.

Attic.

To ensure I am not just scratching the surface within my project I am continually researching the subject of each suicide with as much sensitivity as possible, I have included this research as not only is it rather shocking, it backs up many references within my photoshoot  with the use of the whole look, it has helped me to develop the whole idea to come to my final images.

"Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC."  

The statement above is extremely worrying, therefore it is important to recognise some suicidal traits recognised by psychologists, to raise awareness  it is the intention of this chapter to highlight the psychology behind being suicidal using a adolescent character will help to raise awareness that this is very real and can be even more shocking if there is a re-enactment that appears to look younger so that this issue is not ignored.

Bridgend suicides. (Title:Bridgend (2013) Director:John Williams )

The Bridge end suicides of 2011 was an issue of suicides by youths, it was believed to be a suicide pact encouraged by "suicide cults" , between the months of January 2007 -February 2009 there was a series of 25 suicides, where all but one of the suicides was caused by hanging. Many of the suicides were committed between the ages of 13-17. It was believed that the media was to blame for the high volume of deaths due to the amount of media coverage many of the adolescents parents felt as though it was encouraging others to copy, causing a horrific 'domino effect'. Although no one knows the cause of these upsetting incidents of which is leading to more suffering from their family and friends. The documentary was insightful and truly heartbreaking, it was interesting to discover that all of the adolescents knew each other, they all hung themselves, and none of them left a suicide note.  Interestingly many of the suicidal victims were found hanging in a crouching/kneeling position.The parents and friends of those who committed suicide revealed that their sibling showed no signs of depression and all seemed fairly happy. All of the victims peers had said that they wished that they had just spoken to them beforehand so they could get an insight to how they were feeling so that they could've helped.

There is a clear link between bullying and suicide particularly with adolescents . 

I think it is important to display a narrative that tackles suicide within youth, although this will not be pleasant to look at, it is important to highlight that it is real and it does happen to help raise awareness. Statistics in Britain shows that half of teenage deaths are related to suicide and girls that are of the age of 10-14 are more effected by bullying and suicide.

It is a serious issue that has been displayed numerous times in the media particularly in television and films, British Urban film 'Kidulthood' (Noel Clarke) showcases scenes of bullying that eventually leads to suicide of which is a serious problem that is sometimes dismissed in reality, in the scene it is clear that the parents are aware of the bullying but refuse to talk to their child about it, perhaps causing an awareness that if they spoke to their daughter about the problem and helped then there is a possibility that suicide could of been avoided- sadly this is very realistic I am hopeful that this project will help to display the mind frame of those suffering with suicidal thoughts and will help to raise awareness.

https://youtu.be/0jQZUKkOSGE